NITPICKERS NEED YOUR HELP!

Most individuals think that their problems are greater than others and they are not afraid to say it. These behaviors exist in the office and in most cases, some of us don’t know how to handle them. But the question becomes how do you know your problem is greater? You might say, “Because I’ve experienced it.” Well, your experience doesn’t give credence to your opinion. You’ve never talked with the other person to know what he or she is facing. We as humans often make judgments about what the other person is going through is nothing compared to what we are facing. With that said I’d like to share with you two situations, with two nitpickers, and how I helped them. The first is with a colleague I worked with called Tom and the second is with another co-worker called Mr. Vee in a remote department.Ladies and gentlemen, problems are a part of life. No matter what you do, you can’t escape them. You just have to cope. I’ve learned from mathematics that there’s a solution for every problem. If one method doesn’t work, try another one. This became evident when I was reasoning with Tom, who had devoted over two decades to the company. He repeatedly complained about being underpaid although he had been earning more. He complained that the small raise he has been receiving is nothing. “If it’s nothing why don’t you give it to me,” I asked. His response was “Come on Uan, you know what I mean.” He further complained about having twice as many degrees as his bosses. “Uan I busted my ‘you know where’ to earn multiple degrees and it’s not appreciated.” I listened because sometimes that’s what some individual wants. They want to vent but you have to know when to stop them. If I didn’t stop him, he would have continued for hours. He said I didn’t comprehend because his bills were up to his neck. Clearly the problem hasn’t been bad enough for him to leave the company. I said Tom you complain about your salary when you should be thankful. There are millions of people that would love to trade places with you and you don’t have to look far, look at our borders. Your income can put a whole country to work. Recently I went to a recruitment party where I had to socialize without knowing who the recruiters were. I met a lady who was just ecstatic to have a job. When she told me what she did with $12 an hour I was completely blown away. I explained her situation to Tom and his response was “But still.” “But still? What are you doing to earn a bigger raise? Have you done anything different since last year? What do you do weekly, monthly or yearly to improve your skills and the company’s bottom line? Yes you might have more degrees but that doesn’t matter. What matter is what you do.” “I didn’t get the chance to use them,” he replied. “That’s my point. Stop looking for handouts. If you want to feel appreciated, start showing it to others. Start with your boss and give yourself that raise. Raise your standard of excellence to the highest point so that your boss can’t help to give you the raise.” But think about this, don’t we all need a raise? I like what LeBron James said in a recent letter, “Nothing is given. Everything is earned.” We have to earn it, not complain for it. That’s what I do with nitpickers, I question them. Questions caused them to think instead of complain.Not only have I worked with these types of colleagues directly, I met them remotely in other departments. I remember visiting a remote location and when it was time to leave a new coworker offered me a ride. I asked him about his background and how he had been enjoying the job. He was an older gentleman from the Philippines who was close to retirement age. English was his second language but he had a decent command of it. The moment he made a sigh I asked to myself, “Oh Lord what have I gotten myself into?” But to my surprise he was a little different from Tom. The difference was that he explained his situation before stating his problems. Mr. Vee had his own solutions. Despite the complaints I was able to learn something. He told me that he had been a limousine driver for many years. For many years, he was able to take care of his family before the market slowed down. When the market slowed down, so did his income. His hours and paycheck were dissected like frogs. It happened when his son first got into college. He needed money to pay for his son’s tuition and working 10 hours a week earning $10 an hour wasn’t enough so he turned to our company. The most interesting part about the job he explained was the interviewing process. The second hiring manager asked him if he was desperate for accepting a second job for less than $10 an hour. I almost pulled the emergency break when he said that! I thought that was rude but he took it with a large grain of salt since the manager wasn’t aware of his situation. Of course I was interested to know his response. He had a placid personality so humility was natural for him. His response was “Yes I agree. You can say I’m desperate because when I no longer work full-time and have my son’s college tuition of $10K to pay, of course I’m desperate.” The lesson I’ve learned is that, not until you’ve walked a mile in a person’s shoe, you have no benefit (or right) to criticize him or her. Before I left the vehicle and expressed my gratitude I said, “Mr. Vee I certainly admire the way you handled yourself. You did well.”Even though Mr. Vee complained, he shared his big why, his reason for working. In addition to that, he shared with me his solutions. You don’t get that from most nitpickers. All some want to do is complain about how unfair things are. Before we said goodbye he held my hand and said, “If I was your age, I would leave.” Despite that remark I felt better speaking with him than Tom because he required less energy and I enjoyed the drive. If I were in need of a chauffeur I would have hired him then. I liked his attitude because instead of complaining he told me what he had done. In most cases some nitpickers only require a listening ear. On the other hand, some require more. But how you chose to respond will make the difference. Don’t allow them to direct the dialogue. You direct them like a captain because most complainers just want to spread the knowledge of their plights. But if you truly desire to help them, ask them questions that compel them to stop to think of solutions and that will stop them from complaining. What’s the best thing you can do for the poor? The answer is not to be one of them. So the best thing you can do for a chronic nitpicker is not to be one. Before you join him or her use this Indian Prayer as a reminder that says, “Grant that I may not criticize my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his Moccasins.” So encourage the nitpickers but don’t be one of them.